You might be having a love marriage or an arranged marriage. But does a love marriage mean you know the other person very well, and you won’t ever have any differences and problems? The answer is no – though it may surprise people. In both ways of meeting, you’re to be, whether you find him yourself, or your parents, you need to ensure that you solve all the glaring problems one could have later post-marriage, beforehand.
Marriage expectations
You may have some ideas and notions on what a marriage will be – or should be. But sometimes we don’t realize that he will also have some ideas and beliefs of his own. Men might not be too vocal about their idea of marriage, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have any expectations. Discussing these before your marriage will help both come to a happy space
Role beliefs
What would the hubby-to-be be expecting you to do when it comes to working related to home, or even professionally? What would you be expecting him to do? In Indian families, the in-laws come into the picture too when it comes to such questions. You need to be very clear on where you stand on such points. While both of you will need to compromise and come to a middle ground, there might be some things that you are very particular about – that you need to discuss and clarify.
Past, present, future
We are products of our experiences, circumstances, and environments. How you perceived the marriages and couples you knew growing up, and what you saw happen in those marriages might have – even subconsciously – affected your perception of marriage. So, you might have built up a wrong idea of how all marriages would be based on your prior perceptions. opinions and how they came to be. This will help you understand the problems, if any, and how to solve them. Having the right ideas about marriage will help the two of you in the success of your marriage.
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Money matters
How do you plan to contribute to the home expenses? Are you going to divide the different expenses and take care of the respective ones? You need to understand what each expects and find out the best possible way to move forward. Another monetary area that you need to speak about is your expenditure and saving styles. As you will be living together, you need to ensure your ways don’t put undue stress on the other and find a way that suits both of you well.
Sex and intimacy
Not all have had proper sex education in India with the taboo about speaking about this “unspoken-in-polite-company” topic. So, it could be possible that you or he have not spoken about this properly with anyone or each other. So this needs to be discussed with each other.
Plans for children
It is just not whether the other person wants children or not, but how many, the time frame for each, the parenting styles, any extended family involvement, and such topics will also need to be discussed.
Communication and conflict resolution
Communication, as you would know, is essential to any relationship. In a marriage – especially a new one –, it becomes all the more crucial. You need to understand each other’s communication ways and find a common way where you both have a direct and open communication channel. Being scared of the other’s reaction and not saying what you feel can create problems in a relationship, as can speaking anything without realizing how it is affecting the other. Healthy communication and expressing one’s feelings are essential and you need to find out just how to do that.
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